catching up

haven't felt like writing for a while.  life is exponentially different these days. 

my wonderful daddy died in april.  for so long my life has been defined by "before the flood" and "after the flood" but now it's "before daddy got sick" and "after daddy got sick."  he was the most important person in my life.  having him gone has opened a whole in my heart that can't be closed. 

he went to the ER on august 20, 2015 and was diagnosed with lung cancer before that day was done.  he lived 8 months.  they were a hard but wonderful 8 months.  i miss him every minute of every day! 

since then i've undergone many a change.  i opened a business (a used bookstore) i moved, i filed bankruptcy, i started a new job, i asked God to let me go to heaven to be with daddy, i asked him to have my business succeed, i asked him to show me how to live a life without daddy on this earth.  i seem to ask him something new everyday but as long as i'm talking to him i have faith that he will provide.

i don't know what life is supposed to be.  is it supposed to be a series of traumas to survive?  is it supposed to be a choice between the lesser of two evils?  is it supposed to be pain on top of pain?  i don't know.  i know that scripture tells us that hard times WILL come.  we aren't supposed to go through life pampered and pain-free.  the pain that comes is supposed to test us and make us rely on God.  i hope that i've done that. 

i know my faith is strong.  i know my daddy would want me to keep going.  i know that i will.

grace and peace.