Tuesday, August 9, 2011

death comes in threes

this is my first blog post and virtually my first blog anything.  i'm not the most technically savvy person, nor am i terribly social, so i'm not a facebook/twitter, always connected, text while driving, sleep with my smart phone beside my bed type 21st century gal.  i'm starting this blog because of advice given me by several people i trust who have my best interests at heart.

the long and short of it is that i have recently undergone a very traumatic year and am facing debilitating anxiety and PTSD (hence the name of this blog).  i will no doubt get to recent events in future posts but today i thought i would start by sharing how my anxiety has manifested today in both a strange and comical manner.  (at least i can laugh at a lot of my irrational thinking.)

while having chosen not to replace my television after the flood (see, there is a story to be told here) i am exposed only to what passes for television in the form of hulu for current series and netflix for mostly long since cancelled or older series.  lately my sitcom of choice is "the larry sanders show" and today i watched an episode on which appeared john ritter, gene siskel and warren zevon.  one by one as they filled my 17" laptop screen i realized, and said out loud to my pug winston (AKA:  "the world's worst dog"), "oh no, he's dead!" and with each new walk-on i said this louder and with rising alarm.  my anxiety makes me spend a lot of time worried about those around me dying and i, of course, feel like i'm dying most of the time.  seeing these men, all of whom i watched and listened to for years, in living color, as they say, sent me into a panic about death and dying that was heart-breaking.  all the while i kept thinking, "how in the hell is it possible that all 3 were on this one episode and that all 3 would die much too early?!"  what are the chances of something like that?

that's been several hours ago now and i feel a little better.  took winston for a walk and maeve, my cat, followed like she always does.  

grace and peace   

3 comments:

  1. LOVE the title of the blog. I know Aimee through a kickboxing class we took a while back so I've heard bits and pieces of your story. I think that a blog is a great way to help you through this tremendously stressful time. Sometimes all we need is to know that someone else listening.

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  2. I'm not sure why, but visualizing you saying "oh no, he's dead!" 3 times louder and louder made me chuckle. Reminds me of something I would do. We share a similar humor, therefore I shall read your blog. So, please keep writing. Otherwise, I'll just have to re-read this post over and over and after a while it won't be as funny. :)

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