lockjaw is fatal!

"let's go get you a tetanus shot or you'll get lockjaw and die."  this was the inevitable response from my mother to every cut i got as a child.  though you are only supposed to have the shot every ten years i lived in fear of both dying of lockjaw or dying from too many tetanus shots!  naturally, i have been afraid of lockjaw my whole life (a fact which my brothers and sister love to make fun of!)  i got the last shot of my childhood at age 8 when i stepped on a rusty needle hidden in the carpet of my grandparents' living room carpet.  i lied about getting one before i started college and "accidentally" skipped that question on every medical history form i've filled out since i was 18. 

 

last year after the flood we were all "strongly encouraged" by the health department to get the shots.  i resisted for 2 weeks until i got my first cut, one of many cuts, scrapes, bruises and puncture wounds received during the 6 months it took to rebuild the house.  and at age 36 i made daddy go with me and hold my hand while the nurse gave me the free shot at the health clinic.  it was scary but painless, until an hour or so later (and for the next 4 days) as my arm swelled and turned fire engine red. 

all of the above mentioned injuries went relatively unnoticed as i was too tired and/or numb to feel most of them, but when i cut myself yesterday while washing out the blender i thought, "here it is, lockjaw!"  after a few panicky minutes i talked myself down with memories of the tetanus shot and the fact that there was absolutely no rust on the blades of the blender. 

that brings me to this mornings panic attack...as i was watching ken burns' documentary on the brooklyn bridge i learned that the engineer that designed the bridge got injured at the work site and died of LOCKJAW.  that did it.  my heart took off, my breathing became shallow and my face began to tingle (a common symptom of a panic attack) but in my mind it was definitely the final stage of lockjaw.  i would, no doubt, die within hours.  once again, i reminded myself of the tetanus shot last may and waited for the anxiety to pass.  it left me spent.

fyi:  other notable lockjaw fatalities include herny david thoreau's brother, who cut himself shaving and robert e. lee's favorite horse, traveller, who stepped on a rusty nail.  and NO i didn't have to look those up!  as a southerner and lover of literature i learned those facts years ago and they stuck with me.

grace and peace