"you know you've read a good book when you turn the last page and feel a little as if you have lost a friend." paul sweeney
"books! i dunno if i ever told you this, but books are the greatest gift one person can give another." bono
a symptom of PTSD is numbness; the feeling that emotions have been turned off. i remain shocked at the level to which i have protected myself in this way. i am still concerned with my inability to cry. i've not been crying today but i have certainly felt sad. what's surprising to me is that this sadness is unrelated to the flood and/or my anxiety but because i am in mourning over a book. that's right, a book.
i read the fifth and final "ripley" book this week-"ripley under water" by patricia highsmith. the first book, "the talented mr. ripley," was a birthday gift a few years ago from a dear friend, fellow bibliophile and flood victim (bono would approve!) while acknowledging tom ripley as a complete and utter psychopath; we love him. we love his french home, his espresso drinking, his gardening, his harpsichord.
i had the same sense of loss upon finishing the 7 "harry potter" novels and the 7 "dark tower" novels by stephen king. yes, the two latter series i've read more than once, as i'm sure i will the "ripley" novels, but there is nothing like reading a book the first time. i experience the same feeling of loss at the end of the hockey season!
what has sent me spinning today is that i feel more "emotional" over this book than i feel over the loss of nearly all my belongings. knowing that only makes me feel as if i should feel more. yet i don't feel anything at all. i'm disconnected. i suppose it's easier to be morose over a fictional character than to give in to the real-life things i need to mourn. i know it's a way of avoiding the inevitable. and that the avoiding cannot go on forever.
grace and peace and books
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