monday all day long

i had another run-in today at a local metro agency regarding the remaining funds in my account for post-flood home repair.  i got there with yet another lowe's receipt for the new front door and screen door.  along with last weeks receipt for the closet doors i was $7 short of the needed receipts for distribution of the next check.  listen, i nearly lost it.  it was hard enough to suffer the lowe's visit, panic attack included, fill out all the paperwork, drive across town and make it inside this place without being told i was $7 short!  it got worked out when i finally got someone to tell me that they would cover the sales tax (almost 10% here) and that i would be able to draw a check this week.  after all this time it's still so hard to get anything done.  i understand that there have to be some guidelines and they can't be handing out money without verification but it shouldn't be as hard as they make it.  we flood victims been through enough without having to fight for all that we've been promised.  i didn't throw a fit or anything (like i did last week - i was half afraid that i would get there today to see a photo of me posted in a big red circle with a line drawn through my scowling face!)

if that weren't bad enough i had to force myself to go to trader joe's for yogurt.  i've been without it for more than a week and i'm in serious withdrawal.  i didn't even make it inside before my nerves were tested.  i parked  in a row with 2 other cars just like mine, it looked like this:  red nissan, white lexus, *my* red nissan, silver volvo, red nissan.  as soon as i got out of the car i was overwhelmed with a fear that one of the other red nissan drivers would take my car by mistake (as if that would or could happen...!) but it was real to me and i nearly turned around and got back in the car.  the promise of yogurt won out.  i made it inside only to head straight to the free coffee samples so i could take the last xanax in my purse and stave off the panic that was heightening by the second.  i got my yogurt and a few bananas and ran out of there!

i felt some relief once i made it out of the green hills lunch-hour traffic.  however, i was to be tried once again by a completely irrational desire to get out of the car at a stop sign and assault another driver for wearing pink, plastic-framed, heart-shaped sunglasses.  had it not been for my singing along to rod stewart's feel-good "maggie may" on the radio i may just have done it.  there were no other cars around and i cannot tell you how strong the compulsion was.  my nerves were so frayed by the morning that i was raring for a fight, i guess.

the saving grace was that, as i flew home at top speed with the windows down and the sun shining high, i heard the clash's genius "lost in the supermarket" and laughed good and hard at myself.  at least there's that...

grace and peace