from 6:10 this morning until 9:20 tonight i watched one 3 1/2 hour pbs documentary on the great mark twain. i had hopes that it would spur me to write today. i've been on a long hiatus from the book i started in september and cannot seem to pick it back up. i wanted to watch and ruminate on the prolific twain and thereby motivate myself to work a little.
however, i was interrupted by several little "power naps" (hallelujah!), making my morning coffee, walks with winston, chasing a lizard out of the house (with the church of Christ broom) to save him from the wrath of maeve, making my afternoon coffee and finally a 3:00 phone call from my brother letting me know that our grandmother is back in the hospital.
he picked me up and we went to see her. it's pneumonia this time. it seems she may be unable to go home after this. those of you who are so inclined, please keep her in your prayers. we had a nice visit and stopped to get dinner; i was very anxious to get home. hospitals and loud restaurants (dalts, for those of you familiar with nashville) are among the numerous places i do not feel comfortable in these days.
i spend so much time being afraid that there is something out there, one final straw, that will finally break my back. that there is some inevitable unknown event from which i will be unable to recover. something i will not be able to stand. such is life with anxiety. it's a lot of waiting for the other shoe to drop and worrying about my ability to catch it, or ignore it, or step over it, or whether or not i still have its mate or if that, too, washed away.
grace and peace
well, at least you FINISHED the documentary. that's good. and the power naps are good too. and saving the lizard is good karma, no matter what maeve says.
ReplyDeletesorry to hear that about grandmama. keep me posted. i LOVE LOVE LOVE you!