winston made it through the vet visit okay. they had to extract some teeth but he's doing well. i, however, was in a near catatonic state away from him from 7:30-3:00. it felt like an eternity.
my grandmother had an episode today and there is a real chance (not the 'in my head' kind) that she may have suffered another stroke. we don't have official news yet but it gave us all a scare and sent me into a full-on panic attack. i just don't seem to be able to get through a full day without one and everyday seems to bring with it another thing to focus on, worry about or outright fear.
I'M SO EXHAUSTED!
PTSD is being stuck in the "fight or flight" response 24 hours a day. i don't feel like i have the energy to do either but my heart keeps racing, my adrenaline keeps pumping and my mind keeps planning escape routes. a body isn't made to constantly be under this kind of stress.
my only goal tonight is to sleep. the rest will have to wait.
grace and peace
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