2 years gone

#s since the flood...

# of years: 2

# of months: 24

# of weeks: 104

# of days: 731

# of hours: 17,544

# of minutes:  1,052,640

# of minutes i feel removed from the flood: 0

# of bills to be paid in may: 10

# of bills which will be paid via automatic withdrawal: 2

($72 car insurance, $8 netflix-which i only have because i don't have a television)

# of dollars left in checking account come may 5: $5.00

# of panic attacks: innumerable

# of new prescription medications i now take: 3

# of medicines i tried before i settled on the current cocktail: 5

# of days remaining before I run out of meds: 1

# of doors left to hang: 6

# of friends who have not spoken to me since the flood: 2

# of friends who have stopped taking my calls: 4

# of resumes sent: 187

# of job interviews: 5

# of books read: 147

# of pages written: 169

# of pets lost since the flood: 2 (sage and maeve)

# of pets adopted since the flood: 2 (kentucky and moxie)

# of pets in need of flea and tick meds: 3

# of $ needed to buy said meds: $50.00

# of days until we run out of pet food:  approx. 4


# of days feeling safe in my own house: 0

# of houses on my street alone that are abandoned: 5

# of $ still promised me by metro: $412.00

# of $ they want me to spend in order to receive $412: $879.00

# of neighbors fired post-flood: 5 that I know of

# of houses foreclosed on: 3 that I know of

# of neighbors that feel "back to normal": 0 that I know of

today i hightailed it to my brother's house so i wouldn't have to be here on the 2 year anniversary of the flood.  his kids always make me feel better, even today.  i vowed not to return until well after dark so i could justify just going to bed--which i am about to do.  i wanted to acknowledge some of the above numbers that are ruling my thoughts these days.  

i can't get my mind around these stats.  i now wonder how long my electricity and my water will stay on once i stop paying.  i wonder how many of my creditors have my home #--since i'm about to have to turn off my home phone.  i wonder how i'm going to at least buy pet food and hopefully get my car payment and cell phone bill paid each month so at least i won't lose everything all over again.  i'm resolved if i lose the house--it's not a big loss to me now.  i hate this house but i don't want to be totally helpless (carless and phoneless.)

i pray everyday that i will get a job and won't have to lose anything but it would be crazy at this point not to acknowledge that i am just a few months from foreclosure.  a few months from bankruptcy.  i can't solve any of it tonight so i'm off to bed.  "after all...tomorrow is another day."

and i could really use a may 3rd as i feel like i've been living may 2, 2010 for 2 straight years!

grace and peace