my anxiety is through the roof. last night i worried all night that someone would break into the bookstore and steal orson the cat. no one did, but that didn't keep me from worrying all night about it. tonight i had to go the CVS (one of 2 pre-approved places that i can shop - the other being trader joe's) and the lady that is usually at the check-out went on break while i was shopping and i couldn't check out because i didn't know the guy behind the counter. i had to stay an extra 20 minutes, and spend an extra $20, until my normal lady got off break.
i finally realized once i got home tonight that my heightened anxiety has been present since the day that there was flooding in nashville a couple of weeks ago. i've got a call in to my psychiatrist to talk about my meds but i haven't heard anything yet.
i was talking to someone about PTSD today and i got anxious all over again about the fact that it doesn't go away but that those of us afflicted have to learn how to live with it instead of how to cure it. that's anathema to me. i want it gone and cured and in my past not just "managed!" it's such a hard thing to accept.
my therapy is progressing but i always feel like it's one step forward and two steps back. i guess that's normal. i don't know. i don't know much right now.
grace and peace
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