i feel like i should be writing more often but i've gotten to the point that i just don't know what to say. it's all the same: i'm anxious. i'm exhausted. i'm broke. i'm scared. i'm alone. i'm angry. i'm tired of saying the same things and feeling the same things but it's the way things are now.
one of the awful effects of PTSD and anxiety (as with depression and physical illnesses, i would imagine) is the inability to imagine life on the other side. hopelessness: what if it never gets better? what if the therapy doesn't work? what if it makes me worse? what if the medicine stops working? what if i feel like this FOREVER?!
i would like to think that it's the anxiety talking but i've felt it so long that i've begun to think it's just who i am now. i can no longer separate myself from this "disorder." i feel like i no longer have PTSD but that i am PTSD.
i hate PTSD! (but i don't hate myself...so there's that.)
grace and peace
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