what does one call the anticipation of a bad thing? dread? fear? i don't know but that's where i am. my grandfather has slipped into a coma today. though i've been saying, "it's only a matter of time" for a week now, it's here.
i don't feel like i want to be there when he draws his last breath but to be 50 miles away and waiting on a phone call is unbearable. i'm not working tomorrow because i have wonderful co-workers who have my back and because i can't take one more day of trying to be "normal" while watching my cell phone in...anticipation.
i'm going to have to shop for clothes to wear because i'm not the same size as the the last time i had to dress up. that's stress enough. i'm a BIGGER size not a smaller size so that makes me anxious and the money makes me anxious and shopping for clothes to wear to my grandfather's funeral (which i'm not gonna want to wear again) is too much.
on this very rainy day i was blessed with a slow work day and a lengthy visit with my favorite cousin and her family. she always makes me feel better. she doesn't know this but the last words our grandfather spoke were to her and they were..."i love you."
i talked with my best friend on the way home - which always helps too - and was able to find the energy to cook dinner. now i'm ready to finish the last 50 pages of my book and turn the lights off and watch "dr. who."
grace and peace
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