Sunday, April 28, 2013

beginning of a hard week

it rained all day yesterday.  it rained all night.  thursday is may 2:  3 years since the flood.  i walked this floor yesterday as if i were gonna have to swim my way out.  talk of flood watches and warnings abounded - my anxiety skyrocketed.  
 
sleep was hard in coming.  i managed an hour or so after the rain finally stopped.  today i'm so tired that i cannot see or think straight.  i finally made it to the kitchen to cook supper where i unloaded the dishwasher and put a load of towels in the washing machine.  
 
now i'm waiting for time to go to bed.  i can't go before 12 or so because i will be up at 3 or 4 otherwise.  i remember what i cooked and ate for supper - pasta.  i remember most of what i read today (probably only because it's one of the best writers ever - larry mcmurtry.)  now i'm having a really hard time remembering if i took a shower or not.  i've washed all the towels so i can't judge. 
 
when my anxiety is this intense i lose time and i have a hard time remembering very basic things.  i hate the way it feels.  i feel crazy and lost.  i don't think we're due any more rain for a few days so that should help a little but may 2 looms...
 
grace and peace

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