for more than 4 years i've been waiting for the one thing that would either kill me or drive me crazy. i've mentioned before that i felt something inside me break when i suffered my last major loss, that of my siamese kitty, kentucky.
i, along with my therapist, have decided that what i'm facing is some inpatient trauma therapy. i had no idea that these places exist but apparently there are several of them around. since i don't meet the level of "mentally ill" to check myself into a mental hospital, and since i don't have any addictions, i can't check myself into a rehab center but apparently with a PTSD diagnosis i am eligible for a trauma center.
there are several problems, of course, the first being that i don't have health insurance. second, that means i have to hope and pray that one of these places will take me pro bono. after several weeks of my therapist making calls it seems this won't be as easy as i had hoped. the place nearest to home offers scholarships but it seems that's not what it sounds like. they've turned me down.
i feel like this treatment is necessary. for almost 4 years i've been in therapy. i've been seeing a psychiatrist and taking anti-anxiety medications for almost as long and i'm still fighting anxiety with all i have. my agoraphobia is back with a vengeance since i've been out of work.
i started helping a friend at her jewelry store 3 days a week and that helps. when i HAVE to be somewhere i can get there but on days when i have nowhere to go it's nearly impossible for me to leave the house. some days i can't even go outside to walk the pug. luckily for him i have a fenced-in yard.
grace and peace
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