d-day

i'm getting ready to leave for the family thanksgiving and i am NOT in a good place to do so.  my anxiety is through the roof this morning.  i love my family, each and every one, but dread interacting with the whole. 

i will not be asked about the flood and my recovery because it happened 18 months ago and to everyone but me--it's over.  i will be asked how the job search is going and i just can't stand the pat reply that i know i will give, "it's a hard market.  there's not much out there.  something will come!"  when what i want to say is "i've had 2 interviews in 18 months, this is the worst economy since the great depression, i am in no shape, mentally, to work right now but that i have no money left!!!!" 

i got a call when i was in the shower asking me to call over there before i leave the house--no doubt someone wants me to stop and pick something up.  i can't go in anywhere alone so now i have to either not call back and say i didn't get the message, call back and make an excuse because being too scared to go to the store to buy butter will not be understood (nor the fact that i have no money to do so!) or call my brother to take care of it for me.  i am thankful for my big brother! 

i'm a wreck and only want to crawl back into bed and hide!!  or get in the car and drive until i run out of gas and start over where ever i end up...

grace and peace and thanksgiving