the level to which anxiety has invaded my life still boggles my mind. this week i've been struggling with a near constant feeling of vulnerability. i made myself go to dinner with a friend last night but told her that i was sure her van would get flattened by a meteor before night's end. i feel exposed, as if i'm walking around naked while trying not to draw attention to myself.
nothing feels safe. today i've even been unable to watch television. this week i have encountered 3 episodes of 3 different shows that have left me terribly anxious: one having to do with a house fire, the 2 others dealing with PTSD and showing brief but realistic panic attacks. i watched all 3 shows but shoudln't have. now i'm reluctant to do even that. i've read a lot and listened to a lot of music today.
my brother just called and told me to watch the thanksgiving episode of WKRP where they are dropping live turkeys from a helicopter. HA! i will watch that tonight! i'm going to his house tomorrow for a day of football (we celebrate thanksgiving on the day after with the family.) i wish that i had my copy of "home for the holidays" but i lost it in the flood. it is my absolute favorite thanksgiving/disfunctional family movie! it's gone.
i am thankful for many things. i wish that i were as adept at listing those things as i am at listing the lost things, the scary things, the different things and the new things.
i always watch that WKRP, "planes trains and automobiles," the west wing where cj has to pick which turkey to pardon, and the friends with brad pitt. "hot stuff! (hot stuff?)"
ReplyDelete