2 days of family functions, errands, therapy and driving have left me exhausted and, you guessed it, anxious! i made the rounds to both grandparents' homes this weekend so that i can justify not attending Christmas festivities. i also got a haircut, got my oil changed and visited with friends today.
it is still utterly shocking to me that my anxiety affects every single thought and action in my life. today i got to the gas station and stood in the cold for several minutes before i could make any sense whatsoever of the process for pumping gas. it has been less than a week since i got gas and i literally had no idea what to do!! perhaps the fear that i took tonight's medicine this morning instead of my morning meds was a factor.
several months ago i had to buy an old person pill holder with sunday-saturday a.m./p.m. slots in order to keep up with my many medications but today i'm almost 100% sure that i took the wrong ones. i drove the 50 miles to my hairdresser (my mother's best friend who had been cutting my hair since i was 10 years old or i would never make the trip!) with the overwhelming fear that the interstate lanes were narrowing and that the sky itself was closing in. i also followed a car for 10-12 miles with expired tags and had to fight the strong compulsion to ram them--if not just to warn them to actually illicit police involvement...
i got through the day and started home when i remembered to stop for gas (it's 10 to 15 cents cheaper there than at home) so i pulled into the station on 2 wheels and promptly forgot how to buy gas. it was awful. being away from the house is always stressful and i've been out for nearly the last 48 hours. tonight i will lie on the couch and watch a movie.
no sign of my cat, maeve. i rescued a kitty from the shelter in hopkinsville. i named her kentucky. here's an older pic of her when she first got to the shelter.
i will add an updated picture soon. she is a blue point siamese and she is totally adorable. she's a year old and very playful and loving. no trouble getting her acclimated. winston seems to like her (he likes everyone just so long as he's not alone!) we are all getting along swimmingly just hoping against hope that maeve returns!
grace and peace
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