all things must pass

"none of life's strings can last/so, i must be on my way/and face another day."  george harrison

i've been thinking a lot about home today, or more accurately, my hometown.  what makes a home a home and what make a place so damn special?  is it memory of times spent, friends made and lost, loves come and gone?  is it the knowledge of ones history as it relates to time and place?  is it the familiarity with landmarks and quirks in the towns layout? 

nashville is full of things that infuriate visitors and natives alike:  the ever-present line at pancake pantry, the streets with so many name changes that they make postal carrier one of our most challenging jobs, the fact that at any given time a driver may be on 2 interstates simultaneously headed both north and west or south and east, tourists in daisy dukes, cowboy boots and cowboy hats year round... 

i ran numerous errands today and listened to a special tribute to long-time nashville DJ, david hall, who died unexpectedly over the weekend.  i thought about all those nights in the early 80s listening to KDF (hall's first nashville radio gig) late at night with my brother as we lay side by side in twin beds listening to the likes of quiet riot, kiss and led zeppelin.  in the late 80s when the cool station was "the FOX"  (david was there as well) we listened non-stop to the beatles, queen, and the rolling stones.  in 1993 (while we were in college) we quickly took to the new independent station in town, lightning 100 (on any given day one can hear the cure, the civil wars, amos lee, U2, blondie, the black keys, the beatles...always the beatles), david went there and was there for the next 19 years, i have listened to "david hall rock y'all" since i was just a little kid.

david hall 1954-2012

i wondered if a voice on the radio can anchor us to a place in a way that is as undefinable as it is real. 

i passed a billboard with a picture of my state farm agent on it and felt nostalgia sweep over me at the fact that his father was my parents' insurance agent when they got married in 1969 and he became my insurance agent in 1990 when i got my driver's license.  he's gone now and his son insures my car and now my post-flood house.  for 40+ years our families have been in business.  nashville is not a huge town but we have a million people here and i wonder how many people can claim a 40 year relationship in any fashion these days. 

i smiled as i drove passed my favorite coffee shop, portland brew, and salivated at the very thought of the best coffee and chocolate chip cookies in town.  i didn't stop the first time i went by but i caved on the second pass...both coffee and cookie were perfect! 

finally on my way home i began to think about my very complicated feelings about this precious place now.  no matter where you go in this city you are never far from the river.  you have to use both hands to count the number of times you span it within the city proper.   

 

unfortunately there is a living breathing part of this place that i now despise.  i've added another half mile to my walking route and i now walk to a park entrance on the river bank but i stop just short of the very shallow park and turn around some 20 feet before i see the river.  the park consists of a playground, a swingset, a boat dock, some benches and some picnic tables.  it is tiny and i can't walk across it to look down into the river.  i can't even imagine doing that.  i know how close i am but i can't see the water from the road so i'm okay. 

i don't know the lasting effects of the flood on my psyche.  i know there are days when i can't go out because i don't want to have to see the river and i can't avoid it in any direction.  i know that my hometown remains a refuge because of the rambling memories listed above but what does one do when they need a refuge from their refuge?

grace and peace and "david hall rocks y'all!"