here i am, midnight, wracking my brain in an attempt to remember the events of my day. i have this feeling of lost time often but tonight it is intensified in that i have a new symptom simultaneously, which is: my right hand smells very strongly of nicotine. i am not a smoker but i swear i've been wondering if i went out today and bought cigarettes that i then smoked while being completely unaware. there is no evidence to suggest this save the smell. no cigarettes, no money missing from my purse, no taste in my mouth, just the strong smell on my fingers.
because i have banned myself from webmd and all like websites i've not checked this as a symptom but i already know that "phantom smells" are precursors to migraines (which i do have) and, of course, a brain tumor, which i don't WANT! i didn't sleep until about 4 a.m. this morning and have napped on and off all day. part of me thinks i may have sleptwalked my way to and from the gas station but more likely it's just an anomaly. however, it does nothing to relieve my fear of insanity. i cannot at all describe how scary and crazy it feels to not remember large chunks of time. not to mention the thought that i could leave the house in that state is terrifying.
if only i could get a decent nights sleep!
grace and peace
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