"...happy new year/let's hope it's a good one/without any fear." john lennon
no such luck for me. i spent part of today trying to explain just why it is that i am afraid of my fireplace. literally afraid of it--i can't imagine ever lighting a fire in it again. i don't know why it seems so threatening but i've written off ever using it again just like i've written off ever taking an actual bath in either bathtub. no matter how many times they've been cleaned i can still see them full of river water, mud and debris. they will never be places of peace and rest again. somehow the thought of lighting a fire in the fireplace has taken on an inexplicable terror.
by about a quarter to 7:00 tonight it dawned on me that it was january and i hung up my new calendar (pugs.) that is the sum total of my new years celebration. that and i have eaten at least one of everything in the house. i've used the elliptical machine the last few days and tomorrow i, like millions more, start in earnest the attempt to get in better shape.
i wish i were able to feel excited, or hopeful, or even resigned to what awaits me this year but i still just feel overwhelmed and quite numb. there is so much more to do...
grace and peace
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