writer's block

i have never felt less like writing in my life than i do now.  i just can't think of anything to say.  i suppose some of it is that i have fallen back into the routine of work, errands, home, read, pets, sleep, do it all over again. 

 

my grandfather's cancer diagnosis has hit hard.  he's 86 and dying.  his death will be hard, not just his physical absence, but the repercussions for my grandmother and the rest of the family.  i'm still in the frame of mind that one more loss, one more heartbreak, will be able to push me over the edge of sanity and that i will be unable to come back. 

 

intellectually i know that it's unlikely but it sure feels real to me.  i struggle every day to survive and to take care of myself and the pets while holding down a job and trying to pay $10 here and $10 there to all my creditors.  not so much fun.

 

i'm still as tired and as frazzled as i can be. 

 

grace and peace

 

   

in the dark

because i'm tired i'm just going to share what i posted on facebook today...

 

"recovering from 2 days with no electricity.  hopefully it will be on when i get home.  i spent a very cold night (46 degrees in the house.)  i made it 2 1/2 years past the flood to actually have something turned off for non-payment.  actually that's not true, i've had my internet turned off a couple of times and i think my cell phone once.  anyway, as i was piled under a sheet and 5 blankets of various thickness and warmth, a pug and one of my 2 cats, reading my book by flashlight i thought how LITTLE it bothered me.  something that would have mortified me and been a HUGE inconvenience just a few years ago seemed like only a minor bump in the VERY bumpy road that i've been on since may, 2010.  save for the best daddy in the world i would be in the dark (literally) until friday, payday.  prayers appreciated while i continue to climb this mountain."

 

"here's hoping that sunday's leftover pasta that's been sitting in an increasingly warm refrigerator for the last 48 hours doesn't make me sick."

 

welcome to post-flood life:  unpaid bills, apathy and the aftermath!

 

grace and peace and electricity!