overload

today is an emotional day for me all-around.

 

first:  it's Good Friday and as a Christian this is always an emotional day as i remember the sacrifice Jesus made for a sinner like me!

 

 

second:  it's the beginning of Passover when Jews (and Christians) remember God's deliverance from slavery;

 

third:  it's april 3, my best friend's mother's birthday.  i love her very much and rejoice that she is alive.  i am the first to say that i envy, very much, their relationship as i deal with the broken relationship with my own mother.

 

fourth:  as it's april 3, it's the anniversary of MLK's last speech on the night before he was brutally assassinated.  he's been a hero of mine for as long as i remember.  this speech makes me weep and rejoice at once.  "mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord!"

 

on this Good Friday we Christians continuously say, "sunday is coming!"

 

AMEN to that!

grace and peace and glory

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ME!

 

i'm exhausted.  i had a severe panic attack tonight when i learned that daddy decided to let go to of his landline.  he lives in the house he grew up in, the house he moved into at age 8 or 9 in 1956, my grandparents' house.  the only house in which i've ever truly felt safe,  the first phone number i learned, and dialed, is no more.  

 

he still lives there and that's more important but something about knowing that number will belong to someone else makes me feel awfully empty inside.  i have such an attachment to the house and that bloody number!  i was surprised when he told me because he is the sentimental type and i didn't think he would never give up that number.  i didn't panic on the phone with him but hung up and burst into tears.  i will call him tomorrow and talk more about it but tonight i'm just worn out.  

 

would this always be hard?  i'm sure, but with this much anxiety and the constant feeling of being an open wound it's sure hurting a bunch tonight.

 

grace and peace and nostalgia     



the sun'll come out...

i can't even describe how i feel today.  no matter how many times it happens it's hard to acknowledge that i can't describe or even define my feelings or my emotions.  i woke up this morning thinking that i was getting sick:  i was achy and sore, tired and feverish.  as the day went on i realized that i wasn't necessarily sick but perhaps anxious. 

 

it's not the usual path my anxiety takes.  i can't read, can't write, can't watch a video, can't sleep, can't rest, can't sit outside and can't find a comfortable place inside. 

 

all i can do on days like this is pray for peace and look forward to tomorrow.  maybe it will be better...

 

grace and peace