housekeeping

i don't know what to write about today but i feel compelled to write anyway.  i've not felt well this week so my anxiety has been high.  got a couple of days off now and am pleased with how the store is doing but it's hard to feel removed from the goings on there.  i try not to constantly check my phone for info on sales, etc. but mostly i lose that battle.  got my weekly paperwork done already this morning so there's that.

the house is a disaster area so i have to do a few things here before the health department shows up and shuts me down.  i mananged to do the thing i dreaded most first thing this morning:  the kitchen.  what i want to do is sit here under the pug and cat and read a book - that's not likely to happen but a girl can dream.

the dining room table is about to collapse under the weight of all the books stacked on it.  trying to find places for them but in order to do that I have to decide which books can leave the house and make their way to the store and that, my friends, is a sacrifice and a constant struggle.  

i don't watch a lot of tv but i do like a few shows and now that i get home after 8:00 most nights i miss the couple of things i like so i usually catch up on my off days.  vowed not to turn the tv on today until the house is in better shape.  listened to one podcast this a.m. and have to get up and put all the clothes away because they are stacked up on top of the record player that i need to access for today's entertainment.  

off i go.

grace and peace

if wishes were horses, beggars would ride

i wish i'd slept more than 3 hours last night;

i wish i'd had the energy and ability to go to church this morning;

i wish i had the energy for a long walk;

i wish this house weren't such a wreck;

i wish i had the energy and motivation to actually clean said house;

i wish i didn't have to do the dishes before i can cook supper tonight;

i wish someone else would cook supper tonight;

i wish i would force myself to write;

i wish i could stare at the wall all day and do nothing;

in lieu of that:

i wish i could read my book and listen to records all day.

 

you catch my drift.

 

i don't want to do anything responsible and hygienic.  i just want to be a slug and sit in this filth. 

 

anxiety is HIGH and i hurt all over.  i'll just have to make a list and tackle one. small. thing. at. a. time.  i can't bear the house the way it is one more day.  i don't know about y'all but if weren't for music i would never be able to clean anything!

 

grace and peace