there has much talk in the last 48 hours about the desperate and tragic death of robin williams - funny-man extraordinaire - by suicide.
i have some things that i have to say:
1. i pray for his family, friends and fans;
2. if you are depressed to the point of harming yourself - please, i beg you, get some help. national suicide prevention lifeline - 1-800-233-TALK (8255);
3. if you've never been depressed...really, deeply, painfully depressed...shut your fuckin' mouth!;
4. i don't think anyone should assume that he was a coward;
5. none of us have any idea what another human being is going through;
6. mental illness is real and it is NOT a character flaw.
now, one of the things that hurt me most of all was reading a blog or some such that boldly stated that robin williams didn't die because of an illness but of a CHOICE. Please don't buy into that! yes, we are all made up of the choices we make but i think that equating suicide to a simple choice is ignorant and harmful. maybe it is a choice but, as i am prone to do i make a literary reference, it's on par with sophie's choice. (spoiler alert) she had to make a choice between her children just off the train at a concentration camp. her little girl or her little boy. yes, she made a choice but was an unimaginable one.
i tend to think of it like this: you're driving down the street, following all traffic laws, and suddenly there is a child directly in your path and your choice is...swerve into oncoming traffic - most likely killing you and the other driver bearing down on you - or hit the child. in this scenario either choice is acceptable and more than likely instinctual. however, it is a choice, i suppose.
saying that a person burdened with the "black dog" of depression chose something is, quite literally, ridiculous. when you're really depressed you often go to bed hungry because you can't make the simple choice of what to eat for dinner - that is if you're hungry at all or if you have been able to make a trip to the grocery store when all you feel is that you are dying by degrees.
i think all the speculation that a suicide being committed while other family members are in the house or with the knowledge that a family member will find the deceased is more telling than "selfish." i don't think the person can, in any way, see past the pain they are in. depression, according to rollo may, is "the inability to construct a future."
i lost a dear friend to suicide and it's AWFUL. it's painful and it leaves so much destruction in it's wake but i don't think it is necessarily selfish. i've had a couple of periods of deep situational depression that i was able to cope with through therapy and temporary medication but that is not my particular struggle now. as you can tell by the name of this blog my struggle is with PTSD and the debilitating anxiety that accompanies it.
please don't dismiss mental illness as something that can be "cured" by more fresh flowers in the house, more hugs, more prayer, more wishing, more hoping or more begging for it to leave you. yes, i am a Christian and i believe that God can relieve us of our sickness - both mental and physical - but how many of you have heard someone tell a cancer patient that they are dying because they haven't prayed hard enough?! people with mental illness hear that ALL THE TIME.
you see, God made us perfect, healthy and without sin. we have all, save Jesus, chosen a life of sin. He told us in the Garden (and in the New Testament) that we would bear hardship and labor. mental illness is not punishment for one's faithlessness any more than MS or ALS is. you can't pray it away. STOP telling people to pray harder! it's thoughtless and shameful.
reach out to people in pain. don't judge them. don't try to fix them. just listen, be there, hold their hand, pray for them and with them. let them know they are not alone.
(disclaimer: i mention prayer and Christianity because that is my way of life. i. by no means, exclude any faith. every creed, religion and faith prays to God as they understand Him - whatever He is called.)
“Killing oneself is, anyway, a misnomer. We don't kill ourselves. We are simply defeated by the long, hard struggle to stay alive. When somebody dies after a long illness, people are apt to say, with a note of approval, "He fought so hard." And they are inclined to think, about a suicide, that no fight was involved, that somebody simply gave up. This is quite wrong.”
― Sally Brampton, Shoot The Damn Dog: A Memoir Of Depression
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