Wednesday, September 7, 2016

bankrupt

today was the "meeting of creditors" for my bankruptcy.  it took about 30 seconds.  i did have to watch a 12 minute video, answer about 6 "yes" or "no" questions and pay $7.00 for parking.  i only have a couple of creditors and no one expects to have a creditor show up.  none of mine did.  it's simple, really.

i have no embarrassment.  i only wish i had done it sooner.  i wish i knew the statistics (there really aren't any) about the number of natural disaster victims who file bankruptcy.  there appears to always be a spike in areas affected by disaster but because the filings take place over such a long period of time it's hard to quantify.  it took me more than 6 years. 

i bought the house in 2005.  in 2010 i had a good job, i didn't make a lot of money but i made enough.  the flood came and i lost it all:  job, car, house and everything in it.  i got some FEMA money but it just scratched the surface.  i did not live in flood zone so i had no flood insurance.  home owner's insurance not only denied a claim but cancelled my policy. 

i spent upwards of $65,000 (most of which was borrowed) to rebuild a house i despised.  i had nowhere else to go so i did what i had to do.  i got a lot of help from family, church and friends but it was just a drop in the bucket. 

i worked 12-16 hours a day for 5 months to rebuild.  i was diagnosed with PTSD and suffered from debilitating agoraphobia (i was terrified to leave the very house that i hated.)  something that still rears it's ugly head more often that i like to talk about.  i was out of work for more than 2 years.

when i went back to work i made less than half my pre-flood salary.  now, i work 3 jobs and make less still.  for the last 4 years i have been spending more than 50% of my income on the mortgage.  when daddy died i decided to quit.  i filed bankruptcy shortly thereafter and left that house behind. 

i'm blessed enough to have access to a family home that was sitting empty afer it was left to my mother by her aunt.  i live here now and while it's hard to get over the feeling that i live in somebody else's house it's far and away an improvement.  i live far away from all 3 jobs so i spend a lot of time in the car and a lot of money on gas but, right now, it's worth it. 

i still have school loans that i will owe the rest of my natural life (those, of course, aren't dischargeable.)  other than that i have a clean slate.  the mortgage company will apparently give the option to sign over the deed to avoid a foreclosure.  i will take them up on it.  i can't wait for the day i can honestly say that i no longer "own" that awful house.  for the time being it's still mine but i'm under no obligation to pay anything.  i've officially "surrendered" the property.

i wish daddy were here to talk to about this.

grace and peace




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