my first week of work (with my regular schedule) is over and my first paycheck (for last week's abbreviated schedule) is in the bank. looking forward to my paycheck in 2 weeks to see what my monthly earnings will be. it sure felt good to see that deposit in my bank account this morning. after 2 years of not working it is such a blessing.
other than tired feet and legs when i get home at night i have no complaints. and even that is bearable. it's like the soreness after a good long run or workout--you know you've earned the sore muscles and it's a "good" tired and sore. the positive thing is that i'm not still sore when i get up in the morning so i feel like i'll adjust to all the standing, etc.
my anxiety is mutating into other areas now that i have a job. i remain obsessed with the death toll flashing on all the electronic highway signs. i'm also becoming more and more anxious about my pets being home alone while i'm out all day. they are fine, but i'm not. i worry about them constantly (even when i'm here if they are outside or out of my sight.)
it seems the anxiety must find an outlet. it's exhausting! i'm so tired of not being myself. afraid that i don't even know the real me anymore. i wonder if the changes are irrevocable? will i just have to learn to live with this forever? will the real me creep back in one day when i've given her up for good? or is this the damn "new normal" that everyone assures me i can expect?
i just can't solve it. i suppose everyone feels that way about something, huh?
grace and peace
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