the rain continues. here i am...nearly 10 years from the flood and i'm so anxious today because of all the rain i can hardly breathe. it's going to rain all night so that sets me up to have to try and get any sleep possible with music playing (or the tv on) loud enough to keep me from hearing the rain. i like total darkness and quiet at night as i'm already a raging insomniac!
i've grown weary over these last 10 years of trying to explain anxiety to people who think it is controllable or that it is situational. it isn't. yes, there are situations when the acute symptoms present themselves but mostly it is a chronic state of being. the anxiety i feel when it rains hard for long periods of time doesn't happen in isolation. it is added to the underlying, steady anxiety i feel all the time.
it's exhausting.
i have acquired some coping mechanisms over these years and they help. i rarely have a panic attack anymore. that is a blessing. but the point is that the aftermath of trauma is long-lasting for some of us. the calendar has counted off many days since may 2, 2010 but my body and brain spend a lot of time surviving that day. still.
grace and peace
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