Monday, March 30, 2020

more of the same

today i don't feel good.  i mean, i really don't feel good.  i'm not worse i'm just exhausted from the shortness of breath.  i feel like my lungs weigh 100 pounds a piece.  y'all, this virus is no joke.  

i applied for unemployment yesterday.  i wasn't sure i would able to since i'm self-employed but these are extraordinary times.  i hope that it is approved because i can't live without it.  my money is disappearing and i have nothing coming in.  i'm quarantined until at least april 8 and there is a mandatory closure of non-essential businesses until april 15.  i can't imagine for a minute that the date won't get pushed.  we are weeks from the apex of this.

i don't feel well enough to be anxious.  all i can do is concentrate on breathing.  maybe that's a blessing.  i'm unsure about everything right now but i'm not very anxious at the moment.  i am, however, anxious about not being anxious.  i'm worried that it will blindside me when i finally feel better.

i'm gonna try not to borrow trouble and keep doing what i'm doing.  i'm reading a lot of books and watching a lot of movies (and more tv than ever in my life) and listening to a lot of records.  i want to write more than i am but i don't really feel well enough to be creative in that way.  here's hoping it comes before this is over. 

grace and peace           




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