today i don't feel good. i mean, i really don't feel good. i'm not worse i'm just exhausted from the shortness of breath. i feel like my lungs weigh 100 pounds a piece. y'all, this virus is no joke.
i applied for unemployment yesterday. i wasn't sure i would able to since i'm self-employed but these are extraordinary times. i hope that it is approved because i can't live without it. my money is disappearing and i have nothing coming in. i'm quarantined until at least april 8 and there is a mandatory closure of non-essential businesses until april 15. i can't imagine for a minute that the date won't get pushed. we are weeks from the apex of this.
i don't feel well enough to be anxious. all i can do is concentrate on breathing. maybe that's a blessing. i'm unsure about everything right now but i'm not very anxious at the moment. i am, however, anxious about not being anxious. i'm worried that it will blindside me when i finally feel better.
i'm gonna try not to borrow trouble and keep doing what i'm doing. i'm reading a lot of books and watching a lot of movies (and more tv than ever in my life) and listening to a lot of records. i want to write more than i am but i don't really feel well enough to be creative in that way. here's hoping it comes before this is over.
grace and peace
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