my anxiety is very high these days. the workday is fine but the minute i leave i feel it rise to near-panic attack level. i can't figure out if it's because i have to keep it together while at work and then i let down when i leave and fall apart or if it's another one of the anxiety-inducing things on my mind.
tonight was the first night i drove home in the dark. that does not make me happy! reminds me of the undeniable fact that it's almost september, the impending fall and the dreaded winter not far behind. the death toll on the big, scary electric signs on the interstate now stands at 666. it went up 5 today!
i had begun to feel like a horrible person because i so dreaded seeing the '666' that i was almost hoping the number would jump to 667 and then i realized what that would mean. 1 more precious life gone.
last night on my way home i got so angry when i drove by a little restaurant that i used to visit with some regularity and saw a group of friends visiting in the tiny parking lot. my immediate reaction was: i can't do that anymore. i can't go there - it's too noisy, the tables are too close together, it's not a pre-approved "safe place" now. i was reminded of how far i have to go. how much work there is yet to be done. how tired i am and how different i am.
headaches have plagued me this week and i am once again going to attempt an early bedtime and at least a few hours of sleep.
grace and peace
No comments:
Post a Comment