emptiness

"grief makes one hour ten"  Richard II, Shakespeare

 

today has been one of those days:  nothing feels right, nothing satisfies, can't read, can't write, can't sit still, can't get anything done.  i feel, at once, sad, tired, angry, anxious and uneasy. 

 

i've been struggling with this new asthma diagnosis for almost 2 weeks now and i don't feel any better to date.  i hurt all over.  steroids seem to only be making me hungry.  the pharmacist is calling the doctor tomorrow for a more affordable inhaler as the one prescribed on friday is $153 (welcome to the world of the uninsured).  wouldn't you think at the clinic for the uninsured/underinsured that the doctors would just NOT write scripts for medicines without a generic?  i mean, seriously?! $153.  i was assured that there are plenty out there with a generic so that by thursday when the oral steroid is gone i will be able to afford the inhaler.  the x-rays and additional tests will just have to wait.

 

this days seems to have lasted 6 weeks.  i wish i could have slept it away but that's not to be.  insomnia persists.  i suppose i'll try to go to bed before long if only to avoid having to eat again.  i feel hollowed out.

 

much needed grace and peace