october surprise

i realize that i am in the minority in my hatred of holidays however i defy anyone to defend the following...

 

1.  a mustang i was following this afternoon had some sort of plastic (?) creature hanging from the back that was a white ghost on one side and black bat on the other; 

 

2.  a honda i saw only a minute later had a fake hand and foot hanging out of the back as if a body were stuffed in the trunk;

 

3.  and, of course, the hated hay bale is made up to look as if a witch has crash landed complete with a broom, witch's hat and various and sundry black cats roaming around. 

 

these things are NOT okay!  am i right?  who likes halloween enough to actually take the time to do any of this?  i cannot understand.  granted i think all holidays are overrated and would fine if we could just skip to march and avoid the whole charade. 

 

i am more moody than normal because i can't breath...but only a little more moody. 

 

grace and peace

under the weather

i don't remember the last time that i felt too bad to take a shower but today has been one of those days.  i left the couch for diet dr. pepper and the bathroom a couple of times.  i think it must be bronchitis.  i had to have a friend assure me last night that i wasn't having a heart attack.  every intake of breath hurts.  today that is a little better but my temp is up and breathing is still labored. 

 

my ears are stuffed with sweet oil and cotton balls, my box of kleenex is almost gone and i really would like to have some ice cream.  (though i don't think you're supposed to have dairy when you're this congested.)  anyway, i'm off to bed about 3 hours early.  i don't have the option of calling in sick so i have to be at work at 10:30 tomorrow regardless.  luckily i can take it easy there.

 

my anxiety has been really high for the last couple of weeks and now i find myself sick.  just goes to show how interconnected our minds and bodies are.  

 

grace and peace  

hibernation

i had numerous things to do today:  southern festival of books, DAR meeting, visiting with friends from out of town and i can't do any of it.  decided to stay in and rest.  i have sinus trouble:  sore throat, ears, head so i'm just gonna load up on meds and attempt to lie around.  head hurts too bad to read so i think i'll try to watch something on hulu and sleep the day away. 

 

thanks to family i was able to visit trader joe's yesterday and pick up a few things so there is a distinct possibility that i won't see the light of day until monday.  if i feel better i'll go to church in the morning otherwise i'll only dress and venture out to walk the pug.

 

grace and peace and lazy, cloudy saturdays



more of the same

dealing with serious anxiety the last few days.  about nothing in particular and everything in general. 

 

hoping for a relaxing trip to mississippi with daddy tomorrow to visit family.  i don't get to see my little brother and sister enough so i'm looking forward to it.  hoping that my anxiety will abate enough to let me enjoy the visit. 

 

this has been a week full of small, infuriating reminders of the flood:  letters from FEMA, phone calls from various flood-related organizations.  it's just never-ending.  i don't see how i will ever feel like the flood is over.  it continues to slap me in the face regularly.  i'm so tired!

 

off to bed with my book and, since it's raining, all 3 pets.  here's wishing for some sleep.

 

grace and peace

soapbox time

disclaimer:  this a political diatribe - feel free to not read, to disagree, to comment but know that it comes from a place of exhaustion and disgust at the tone of discourse these days.

 

on my way home from the grocery today i passed a tractor trailer with these words written into the dirt:  “vote God in and vote the devil out!” 

this made me so angry.  yes, i am a liberal democrat and an obama supporter but never, be it romney, mccain, or even bush would i call my political opponent’s agenda of the devil or imply that my candidate’s platform was of God.  if indeed that as the implication rather than calling the candidates themselves “God” and “devil.”

i am so tired of this argument:  this is a Christian nation!  and that the republican platform and their ridiculous family values agenda are more “Christian” than we democrats who are gay-loving, baby-killing, terrorist-appeasing, welfare-taking pinko commies. 

this nation was founded by a group of men who were the descendants of men and woman who came to this land so that they could worship who and how they chose to.  did most of the founding fathers believe in “God?”  YES.  But was it Christian God as we think of him?  NO.  was their belief in the divinity of Christ?  Mostly NO.  did they frame our laws based on Judeo-Christian principles?  YES.  But did they not make the First Amendment: “congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof...”  YES! 

our constitution doesn't mention God but it does say that the black man was 3/5 of a person.  abraham lincoln said, “the bible is not my book, nor Christianity my profession.”  see, he was a politician not a preacher.  we do not elect our representatives to impose or religious or moral beliefs on others.  we, as Christians, are to live out Christ on this earth.  ourselves. 

we all have to vote our conscience and i realize that there are many who don’t agree with me and will vote likewise.  i am a democrat and a Christian.  i believe the bible is the inspired word of God; that Jesus died for my sins and was resurrected and sits at the right hand of God.  i believe there is no way to the Father but through Him and we will all stand in judgment.  i just hope that i won’t have to answer for the disgusting vitriol that is spewed toward and from both sides of the aisle. 

when someone disagrees with me, i hope that i have the wherewithal to listen and disagree and go vote to cancel theirs out but that i will respect their opinion, their God, their church, or synagogue, or mosque, or temple, or cathedral and pray for them as my brother or sister and remember that we are all here to learn from one another and we WILL be judged on how we treat each other.

Teacher, what is the greatest commandment in the law?  Jesus replied, “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  this is the first and greatest commandment.  and the second is like it:  love your neighbor as yourself.  all the law and the prophets hang on these two commandments.”  Matthew 22:37-40  

grace and peace and harmony?   

the first day of #%*&+!

"just as the painter needs light in order to put the finishing touches to his picture, so i need an inner light, which i feel i never have enough of in the autumn."  leo tolstoy

 

yes, the weather is glorious here in nashville today.  yes, the air smells clean and crisp.  yes, i've spent most of the day out of doors.  yet i mourn to my core the end of summer.  fall brings with it some things i love, football, hockey (in a good year), the vibrant colors but for me it is the precursor to wet, rainy, dreary, sunless november.  the rainy season is almost on us here in middle tennessee and the ground will be soggy, muddy and cold from november-february.  it hurts.

 

this is always the time i vow to spend every sunny minute outside before the sun hides itself from me during the nashville winter.  i sometimes wish i could be the person who embraces fall as the beautiful season it is and yet i more closely align to the russian novelist quoted above.  a sad state of affairs, i suppose, but this quote is far more positive than the ernest hemingway i almost quoted.  that one is a killer!

 

i've been sick for a couple of days and that has added to my melancholy.  the house is still a shambles and though i have managed to run the dishwasher and wash a load of linens i've done precious little.  i read my lesson for church tomorrow and walked winston.  now i'm going to attempt to eat a bland dinner and find some mindless movie or TV episode to distract me.

 

thanks to some very generous friends, when my appetite returns, i have money for groceries.  though i certainly take for granted this season i've been given i do not take for granted the friends and family God has blessed me with.

 

grace and peace  

i hate vampires

tomorrow is the dreaded trip to the psychiatrist.  here's the worst part:

 

him:  "medicine working okay?"

me:   "yes." (thinking - i can't make anyone understand that NONE of this medicine helps me sleep!)

him"  "did you get your blood work?"

me:   "no."  (thinking - i haven't gone to get the blood tests you ordered and NO, i'm NOT going to get my blood drawn.  i'm here for PTSD and anxiety - don't add to my stress!)

him:   "amy, you have to do it.  it won't hurt."

me.    "LIAR!"  (thinking - i HATE you, you vampire!)

 

all that and it's supposed to rain all day tomorrow just like it has today.  my appointment is at 8:45 - will be finished by 9:00 and then i have an hour and a half until work - i won't waste the gas to come back home.  i have $2 cash, no food, no money in the bank, less than half a tank of gas, running low on dog and cat food, 3 more days of work this week and payday isn't until friday so there's no where to go. 

 

this morning i was going through my tin of "state quarters" trying to talk myself into parting with them.  i managed to find 6 doubles.  that's $1.50 of my $2.  if things don't pick up i will cash in the 50 quarters for $12.50 worth of pet food. 

 

anxiety level = high.

 

grace and peace