three for thursday

1.  today i have severely swollen glands in my neck due to my hideous allergies and sinuses but i have spent all day preparing for a phantom cancer diagnosis;

2.  because the weather is getting cooler i'm spending a lot of time outside and leaving the french doors open almost all day.  good for my tan but bad for the aforementioned allergies and as a result there are so many flies in this house it's like "amityville horror" in here!!!  the bloody mosquitoes (pun intended) are out to get me too; and

3.  because i refuse to cut down the only tree in my front yard i am, yet again, dealing with plumbing problems.  it seems that the roots from said tree have grown into the main line from the house and every so often (way too often) these roots have to be cleaned out by a plumber.  i have no money for this procedure but i also have no clean clothes and no clean dishes as it uses too much water to run the washing machine and/or dishwasher.  i take uncharacteristically short showers and use the water as little as possible since all the drains are now almost 100% clogged.  the plumber will be here tomorrow and i will have to write a check from my pathetically anemic account. 

i remember long ago promising myself that i wouldn't say "it can't get any worse," or "i can't take one more thing," because something else always comes up and i would be reminded that things CAN always get worse.  i never dreamed that i would face a year like i've had or that i would be taking punches even now.  people keep telling me that i will survive this because i'm "stronger than i think" but i'm starting to wonder if maybe it's that i'm so used to "just surviving" that i'm not smart (or equipped) enough to sit down and "feel" or "grieve" or "cope" or any of the things other people do.  i don't know how to do any of that!  i've never known those things and i'm overwhelmed with having to learn them at 37!

grace and peace