family drama, money woes, panic attacks, a death in the family, muscle aches, holiday stress, low-grade fever AND i'm out of bananas!! i'm so overwhelmed i can't imagine ever feeling any different. i certainly can't imagine ever feeling better.
i am a loner by nature (and nurture too, i suppose) but there are days like today when i wish i had a husband. or at least someone who could fight some of these fights, fill out some of this paperwork, do some of the decision making and planning on my behalf. i'm so tired of having to do it all. i'm not sure i'll ever find the motivation to get the house finished and i don't care anymore.
i am a loner by nature (and nurture too, i suppose) but there are days like today when i wish i had a husband. or at least someone who could fight some of these fights, fill out some of this paperwork, do some of the decision making and planning on my behalf. i'm so tired of having to do it all. i'm not sure i'll ever find the motivation to get the house finished and i don't care anymore.
my exhaustion and apathy are bone-deep. i have nothing left to give. maybe one day the fear and pain i feel will lessen but i know that some of the changes in me are permanent. the old me and the new me are in an epic battle for my peace of mind (sanity, if you will) and i'm not in tune with either of them enough to know who to root for.
it's warm here, but rainy. the animals and i have hunkered down. i still maintain that winter hibernation is the way to go. i don't remember the last time i saw the sun. should i be listening to neil young? i don't know...the good part of my day was a much-needed phone call from my best friend. i think i may have even laughed once. i love you even though you hate neil young!
grace and peace
HAHAHA - of course my first thought was "never listen to neil young." i love you too, even though you like neil young. and angela lansbury.
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