naptime

i have chronicled my lack of sleep for several weeks now.  yesterday morning my exhaustion reached comedic proportions as i got in the shower with my socks on.  it was upwards of a full minute before i even noticed.  i was able to drive to my doctor's appointment though i don't remember the trip.  the good news was that i was approved for the prescription assistance program that will allow me to get the ridiculously expensive sleeping pill that was impossible for me to afford with no insurance.  even with insurance it is hundreds of dollars a month. 

i don't know what people do that don't have the resources, education, will and abilities that i do.  i can see how it easy it would be to give up and go without.  while i am depleted and overwhelmed i am still able to fill out the paperwork, set up chaperones for trips to the store, read articles and books on PTSD and anxiety disorders, call and arrange for trauma counselling, etc.  knowing that there are so many people out there who wouldn't be able to accomplish these seemingly basic tasks in the best of times, let alone during and after a trauma, is heartbreaking.  

i started out a bleeding-heart liberal and have only had those convictions reinforced in the last 18 months.  in that time i have had to file for and accept unemployment, stand in line at churches for food, clothing and supplies in the aftermath of losing everything in the flood, take money from friends, family, my church, other churches and even strangers.  i am a smart, college-educated, middle-class person who saw for the first time what it is really like to be "in need."  it changes you.  it changed me. 

i've been sleeping most of the day, as a result of my utter exhaustion or the sleeping pill i haven't a clue.  it doesn't matter to me as long as i can get a little sleep.  after a nap (i hope) i need to force myself to clean up a little before the health department makes a visit to this pigsty.

grace and peace