10 years ago today i closed on this house. i never thought i'd be here 10 years and i certainly never thought i'd be here 10 years with no way out. almost 5 years after the flood the value is about half what it was beforehand. it's still, though the saying hurts, "under water" about $25,000, meaning it's worth $25,000 less than i owe.
the bad part of it is that because of my anxiety i am relegated to spending nearly every waking minute here unless i'm at work. my world has become so small as i cannot go but a handful of places. i only have a couple of friends for which i am willing to venture out. i can't go to the movies, i can't go to a restaurant, i can't go to church, i can't go anywhere and feel safe - though the worst part is that this is the place i feel the LEAST safe.
i wish i were a person who didn't remember anniversaries and wasn't so sentimental but that's not me. i can't remember what i ate for lunch but i know every phone number i've ever had. i can't remember how to get home a lot of days but i know every one of my ex-boyfriend's birthdays.
today was a busy day at work. i'm tired and a bit congested. i'm gonna pile up on the couch with winston the pug and try my best to look forward to tomorrow.
grace and peace
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