letter to the tooth fairy

okay, i am 99.99% sure that my teeth will fall out soon.  i have avoided brushing them all day, which i think may have made my fear worse!, but i'm afraid to brush for fear they will come out.  no matter how many times i tell myself that this fear is irrational it holds on.  i will be headed to bed before too long and i will have to brush them.  i'm actually terrified!  i cannot get it out of my mind.  

today has been awful.  teeth aside, i have suffered numerous panic attacks and must have paced upwards of ten miles in this tiny house alone.  it was warm today so i didn't spend an awful lot of time outside.  i felt trapped in here but was unable to go anywhere.  i can't read and though i've watched a couple of hours of TV i couldn't tell you what i saw.  the whole day has been a blur.  i feel like a shell.  i'm just an empty receptacle with nothing to fill me up.  oh, how i wish i could write.  there is just nothing to inspire me.  morning to night is a blank page with no ability to fill it.

i made dinner plans for tomorrow night and am actively trying to find a reason to cancel though i know i have to make myself go.  i will be out of the house for therapy tomorrow anyway.  i wish that i could enjoy things.  i wish i had any idea how to be "normal."  i have to continuously tell myself that my friends are doing their best to understand and be supportive and that i can be "abnormal" around them without fear or explanation and that they will continue to love me in spite of it. 

i wonder what they'll think when i show up for mexican food with no teeth?!

grace and peace