R.I.P lokomotiv yaroslavl

i feel that i have made some poor choices today which have increased my anxiety to a near-unbearable level.  i'm struggling now with what to do to calm myself down; writing seems the best, in fact, it seems the only option. 

my anxiety is usually worse in the morning hours and decreases toward nightfall, however, tonight i have spent the better part of the evening in 2 pursuits which have kept that from happening.  firstly, i've read nearly everything i can find on-line about the tragic plane crash in russia today killing a KHL russian hockey team.  i am a huge hockey fan and this hit me and the hockey world hard.  43 lives lost and 43+ families devastated, not to mention players, fans, and hockey organizations around the globe.  some of the players were well-known NHL stars and some were players that i've never heard of, but i mourn them all.  they were on their way to the first game of the season.  how. very. sad.  i pray that their families and friends find comfort.

my next mistake was certainly less devastating in that it does not involve real-life, but it was anxiety-inducing to me nonetheless.  i watched part 3 (of 4) of the "lonesome dove" mini-series.  i've seen it before (years ago) and read the book (not too long ago-please read this book, it is phenomenal!) but was unprepared for this leg of the drive and now live in mortal fear of watching part 4 before saturday night when it expires on netflix instant play.  i HAVE to watch it yet i know that for my mental stability i shouldn't.  why do i do these things to myself when i know i'm not in shape to handle them?  human nature? stupidity? masochism?  WHAT?!

i continue to be surprised at my reaction to certain things and my out and out indifference to others.  intellectually i know a lot of things, emotionally i am a blank slate. 

grace and peace and love